Where are We Going?

Last Saturday I went on a long run.

I spent three hours running by the shore for over 15 miles. It's easy to let the pounding of footsteps and the story of a good podcast carry you. I listened to a podcast about a woman who led a lab testing company that promised to revolutionize blood testing and bring medical access to everyone, but it  ended up going out of business since it couldn't actually produce the product it promised for over 10 years. So many people were duped, including me! I didn't lose any money, but I remembered looking at a photo of her on Forbes magazine thinking "wow, some people are so lucky, to be beautiful and a great leader!"  Turns out it was all show, no substance. People wanted to believe her and her noble goals so much that they did great mental gymnastics to justify what's happening to themselves

I feel a little less bad about having only been mistaken about my last relationship for the 4 years. Though the podcast did remind me that even the best of us could suspend disbelief too much when faced with something they ultimately didn't want to be happening. We want to going along on this wonderful journey so badly that we don't realize we're just in a paper box with someone who looks and sounds like exactly the traveling companion your'e looking for, but ultimately we've gone nowhere.

So the next day I took myself out on a drive to two stores looking for a particular item. It totaled about 150 miles of driving. I drove north to Fontana, then through the beautiful San Bernardino National Forest to Palmdale, enjoying the rain, fog, and finally sun. I drove up a mountain in the rain and fog, and descended on the other side to sunny weather in the countryside. It's a good reminder that I can take myself places to see things, learn more. Even if the things I'm looking for are not right next to me, I have two feet to go somewhere and two eyes to behold the marvels of things around me.  I might not have the best friend and lover next to me on every trip, but I can find one on the way. Even if he doesn't stick around forever, I know I will be okay.

I'm still saddened by what happened, but this is something I can work on, as long as I keep going and making progress.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Wut Changed?

I do notice what's changed about me since the dumping happened. I mean after the initial rage, betrayal, and pain (mostly) subsided. Overall I've found things that bring happiness and purpose in my life that are new or I let slide over the years, but there are also neutral or lingering bad things that's still around after 7 months. I've looked for myself in some old hobbies that I've let go of over the years. I've thought about why I made them a part of my life at some point in time, and why I kinda let them go. I've brought some of them back into my life. I looked at figure skating. I still have my old skates, and now I have the means to pursue it more regularly. I used to only go every so often since I couldn't afford the rink entrance fees. It would still be a fun workout, but I've got another sport I've committed to, so maybe another time. I looked at the portfolios of old art I did over 15-10 years ago,  and they still bring a smile to
Read more

Wut's Up?

So lots of crap has happened since the last post. A global pandemic roared into my life last March and changed everything. In many ways it meant my life's been on a weird hold for nearly an entire year. Today is a day of note since it's been 2 years since the breakup that started this blog. They say it takes half the time you dated someone for you to get over them, so this should be the big day! In most ways it's stopped negatively impacting my life... though I find myself still thinking about how the apathetic treatment towards the end of our relationship and the day of the breakup hurts when I'm on long drives.  I was really hoping for a much more definitive *snap* of the bad feelings so I can just get on with whatever happens next, or be able to think back on what happened and just treat it as a lessons learned and not have it sting.  It's weird because when I was most recently confronted with the possibility I might run into him, I made the choices to avoid him.
Read more

Wut Greetings?

I'm enraged.  I was out to dinner with a mutual friend of my ex's. I value her friendship and I told her I wanted to be friends if she was up to it, no matter what went down with my ex (they were friends first). She's a cool person and we have a lot in common. Even before the breakup, she and I hung out and went places together. I valued her friendship, not for some gateway back to my ex or whatever.  So I'm at dinner with her and she mentioned the ex in passing about some topic that came up. No big deal, I treat it just as if she brought up whoever in the course of conversation and don't act any differently, because it really felt fine.  I'm not going to hear his name and shatter. Maybe like a month ago, but not now. She still carpools with him and is friends with him and I have no feelings one way or another about that. I respect her enough to accept that she doesn't have to sensor what she says about her life, her friends, etc.  Then she brough
Read more