Wut Changed?

I do notice what's changed about me since the dumping happened.

I mean after the initial rage, betrayal, and pain (mostly) subsided.

Overall I've found things that bring happiness and purpose in my life that are new or I let slide over the years, but there are also neutral or lingering bad things that's still around after 7 months.

I've looked for myself in some old hobbies that I've let go of over the years. I've thought about why I made them a part of my life at some point in time, and why I kinda let them go. I've brought some of them back into my life.

I looked at figure skating. I still have my old skates, and now I have the means to pursue it more regularly. I used to only go every so often since I couldn't afford the rink entrance fees. It would still be a fun workout, but I've got another sport I've committed to, so maybe another time.

I looked at the portfolios of old art I did over 15-10 years ago,  and they still bring a smile to my face. I share the same sense of humor with my past self. Considering I still have thousands of dollars of old art supplies and my laptop also converts into a drawing tablet, I am wanting to get onto that again.

I also used to write fan fiction. I still love writing, and telling a story, though as of late I've mostly written business communications. I love expressing my ideas and feeling and have a lot of fun reading other people's fics as well. So I am getting back into that too work out some ideas and thoughts.

I've also decided to make an effort to attend more anime conventions this year,  to meet more people and see and appreciate more creativity (via artist alley). I think that'll be overall good for me.

I'm going to keep something on the race calendar at all times to have something to train for. I don't mean I'll get sick over training, or race too much. It's just nice to have an idea of a purpose behind each time I do a workout and generally having a training plan. I went on a trail run yesterday and it was good feeling the progress I've made since I started trail running (goal: gain more power for bike/run hill climbs). I've also been going to the beach several times a week to train for surf swimming for my upcoming triathlon and I've made noticable improvements in skill, speed, and confidence being in the waves.

It's not just a catalogue of purposeful changes. I've found that I've been more stoic. Sometimes when I'm changing locations, I would just stand there and look around for a minute when I get to the parking lot, or sit in my car for half an hour before moving on. I don't think about anything in particular, or have a panic attack. I'm just there, maybe reading something on my phone, maybe just looking at people or the scenery. I didn't use to do that before. It's weird, but not necessarily bad (I only do it when I don't have to be somewhere.)

There's still some sadness and regret that's not normal that remains, and it's hanging on really well, I'm not sure if I can ever shake it. I can only hope that because I eventually shook them from my past failed relationships, that this will work out as well.