Wut's Going on, Dummy?
I'm angry at him. My ex. I'm angry at myself, too.
The more I think about it, the more I think his "reasons" for why we broke up are complete bullshit. For a guy I thought was confident about his life, who told me he literally is not afraid of anything, and a guy whom I've only witness crying once in the four years I've known him, he seems abnormally afraid of talking with me about problems in our relationship. He's so afraid he'd rather just end the relationship.
For a guy who made fun of me for not wanting to ask store clerks for help, who made fun of me for being afraid of calling his friends on the phone, who made fun of me for not standing up for myself, he's bullshit level afraid of talking to me about problems.
So maybe he's lying to me about reasons, and just won't tell me what the problem is... perhaps because he doesn't care about me enough to tell me the truth. This hurts.
Or maybe I don't know him at all, or anything about his fears. This stings because I would feel like I was the most oblivious person in the world to not notice something about someone this many years into a relationship.
To be honest, the thought of breaking up with him myself crossed my mind a couple of times. I asked myself who takes so long to not even react when I hinted to death at moving in together. I made excuses for him. People we knew were getting divorced. His own parents are divorced. I thought that he's just not sure, but I would be sure enough for us for now. That's what I thought. I made up excuses in my head for him for everything that bothered me about the relationship, because I thought I was being the dutiful girlfriend. He wasn't a bad guy, I thought, he was a good guy, and everyone has flaws. We had some really fun times, too, and wasn't that enough? Now I'm second guessing myself that maybe I whitewashed the situation way too hard.
I feel angry. I feel stupid.
The more I think about it, the more I think his "reasons" for why we broke up are complete bullshit. For a guy I thought was confident about his life, who told me he literally is not afraid of anything, and a guy whom I've only witness crying once in the four years I've known him, he seems abnormally afraid of talking with me about problems in our relationship. He's so afraid he'd rather just end the relationship.
For a guy who made fun of me for not wanting to ask store clerks for help, who made fun of me for being afraid of calling his friends on the phone, who made fun of me for not standing up for myself, he's bullshit level afraid of talking to me about problems.
So maybe he's lying to me about reasons, and just won't tell me what the problem is... perhaps because he doesn't care about me enough to tell me the truth. This hurts.
Or maybe I don't know him at all, or anything about his fears. This stings because I would feel like I was the most oblivious person in the world to not notice something about someone this many years into a relationship.
To be honest, the thought of breaking up with him myself crossed my mind a couple of times. I asked myself who takes so long to not even react when I hinted to death at moving in together. I made excuses for him. People we knew were getting divorced. His own parents are divorced. I thought that he's just not sure, but I would be sure enough for us for now. That's what I thought. I made up excuses in my head for him for everything that bothered me about the relationship, because I thought I was being the dutiful girlfriend. He wasn't a bad guy, I thought, he was a good guy, and everyone has flaws. We had some really fun times, too, and wasn't that enough? Now I'm second guessing myself that maybe I whitewashed the situation way too hard.
I feel angry. I feel stupid.
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