Wut Wut Life?

I'm angry at him. My ex. I'm angry at myself, too. The more I think about it, the more I think his "reasons" for why we broke up are complete bullshit. For a guy I thought was confident about his life, who told me he literally is not afraid of anything, and a guy whom I've only witness crying once in the four years I've known him, he seems abnormally afraid of talking with me about problems in our relationship. He's so afraid he'd rather just end the relationship. For a guy who made fun of me for not wanting to ask store clerks for help, who made fun of me for being afraid of calling his friends on the phone, who made fun of me for not standing up for myself, he's bullshit level afraid of talking to me about problems. So maybe he's lying to me about reasons, and just won't tell me what the problem is... perhaps because he doesn't care about me enough to tell me the truth. This hurts. Or maybe I don't know him at all, or anyt...

Things weren't bad. I had a good job (with its struggles of course), great small group of friends (the way I like it), mom still fighting the good fight with cancer (stupid disease won't go away but it's mostly holding), and a great guy I'd been dating for almost four years. Elaborating on the great guy for a moment: We were doing all the normal boyfriend girlfriend stuff... for someone who was dating for maybe about a year or two. We had a great time together, but we hadn't moved in together, despite my hinting the good hint. He told me he would not consider marrying someone unless he has lived with that person for at least a year. I thought about that from time to time. Even his aunt asked me this past Christmas about if we were going to get married and I just said the boyfriend moved at his own pace, that's how he was. A number of people in his life got divorced recently as had one of my friends. I thought things were good, I'm not going to push it. H...